


Living fear

by Rebeliz



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Skye is jealous of Sharon, natasha's pov, the one where Skye makes Natasha promise to be safe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4833683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebeliz/pseuds/Rebeliz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skye’s been crushing on Natasha since the day she joined their team three months ago but can’t figure out a way to go ahead and ask her out. However, mission after mission feelings they didn’t know were there begin to surface.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I’m not used to this. I’m not usually at the end of endearing comments and nervousness caused by fear of rejection, but it’s nice.

Skye is adorable, I admit. She’s done this a couple of times now, enough to let me know that she’s attracted to me but not enough for me to put a stop to her chase.

“So…” she nervously prompts, leaning closer to the wall I’m standing nearby. Her eyes dance from my lips to my cleavage and briefly to my eyes. I could play her the way I’ve played with so many in the past but somehow I find myself genuinely curious. I look at her pointedly, just so she knows that I’m listening. “You got any plans for tomorrow night?”

Even though she’s dancing on the balls of her feet, she’s gathered the courage to finally ask me out and it only took her three months to get here.

“I think I might.”

Her entire face brightness with the magnitude of her smile and I smirk up. She’s truly adorable.

“Sorry, I smiled before my cue. Were you referring to me about to ask you out or you actually might have plans tomorrow night that do not include me?”

I chuckle as her face turns the color of my crimson red lipstick. For someone as powerful as she is, she has successfully managed to hold onto every bit of humanity she can. It’s admirable. She’s not afraid of putting herself out there when she’s made up her mind. I like it.

“Were you going to ask me out, Agent Johnson?”

She catches on my low tone quickly and takes a bold step closer to me, decided to meet my flirting right on. “Yes, Agent Romanoff. I came here to ask you out on a date.”

Even more adorable is how bold she can get, not to mention hot.

“I might have said yes.”

I don’t give her anything else before I’m walking out of the room. May’ eyes catch me for a second long enough to project her amusement and also a warning. I never thought I’d see the day when Melinda became attached to a junior Agent and here we are.

x

It’s a calmed week. We are sent off to capture a suspect arms dealer that turns out to have been selling big toys to Grant Ward. He doesn’t have any useful information about Ward’ location though but we keep him in custody for a couple of days before sending him off to prison. I miss the days when the Fridge existed and SHIELD didn’t rely on the Government to keep someone locked up.

Coulson announces there will be a new Agent joining our operational team. Sharon arrives Friday morning and things begin to shake a bit more frequently.

“So…” Skye prompts while she claims the seat next to mine on the lunch table and Fitz pretends that he can’t hear from his chair in front of us. “Agent Carter seems friendly.”

Sharon is a very affectionate person when she’s not on the clock and when she arrived this morning she wasn’t exactly shy to show how happy she was to see me.

“Among other things.”

I hear her rough intake of breath but I don’t acknowledge it. I continue eating as she fumbles on her chair, her food forgotten. I won’t solve her puzzle here. If she wants to make a move, I’ve been giving her the green light for quite some time but if she can’t read the signs, I won’t spell them out for her.

A new mission impends us from finishing our lunch. A reliable friend of Morse has seen Ward and two unknown men walking out of a museum in London. We’re flying above Paris, so we’re not far. Skye is to stay behind, no one wants to know if Hydra’ golden boy is still crushing on her, especially not May. Or me. We all ignore her whining.

Sharon and I are two American tourists eager to visit every museum in town in our thirst for art. We’re familiar, we’ve worked together before, undercover or not. She isn’t here for the sake of the mission alone, I realize this fast.

“I’ve missed this.” She says next to me. I can’t see her face because I’m holding a camera close to mine, I’m taking pictures of the outside of the British Museum. I feel her hand resting on my lower back, the pressure adding meaning.

“What are you doing?” I lower the device that’s been sending footage of the people around to Fitz’ computer to help with facial recognition. I don’t know why she’s chosen this moment to say something like this. We’re both wearing earpieces, everyone back on the Bus can hear us, Ward is somewhere close and we can’t afford to lose focus.

“I’m just telling you that I’ve missed you. That’s not a crime, is it?”

Our eyes meet briefly but we are both too alert to maintain any sort of lasting contact. Our relationship didn’t last long but it was intense, the break up was the roughest I’ve ever experienced.

“I have visual.” Ward is only a couple of feet ahead of us, he’s talking to two men in Italian. They’re looking to buy art. They are loud.

“ _Do not engage. We don’t know if he’s alone or if there’s an army of his men protecting his six. Civilians are our priority_.”

“Roger that.”

We hold hands as we pretend to be two girls in love. Ward doesn’t see us for twenty minutes but when his eyes meet mine so suddenly I know our covers are blown. He smirks through a huff and I wave at him. Fury always did say we were too much alike.

“Natasha Romanoff.” He says my name out loud and steps forward with a bright smile. The place is crowded. “Long time no seen.”

“You should stop by the office. Many of us felt disappointment when you left without a proper goodbye.” His eyes are pure mirth, he won’t relent. I won’t either.

“I was disappointed myself.” He huffs a laugh at Sharon then and his expression turns evil. He won’t leave without a fight, he won’t leave at all until there is no one left tailing him. I know this because that’s what I’d do. He’s clever enough to know that we’re not alone.

May is shouting orders in my ear, people are moving. He seizes me up but he’s not stupid enough to think that my height has anything to do with my skills. They attack Sharon first but she’s not an easy target. Ward comes at me from above, he’s not fooling around and he wants a clean hit to my head to knock me out.

Someone fires a gun and people panic. I attack his legs but he’s expecting me. He jumps and I throw him a bite. He doesn’t give in but his momentary weakness gives me an opening to point my gun to his head. He smirks as Sharon renders another one of his guys unconscious. The Italians are gone and replaced by more Hydra Agents.

“You are surrounded.” He smirks from the floor where he’s knelt. I know that we are, there are at least thirty men running up and down the second floor, all taking the best position to have a clean shot at me. “You can kill me but you won’t walk out of here alive.”

There are still civilians inside of this place, if they open fire many will die. I hear May’ confirmation that they’re here. We are not alone. “Who said anything about killing you?”

A strenuous sound throws the doors open and a powerful wave sends us all to the floor. Many civilians fall unconscious. I guess Skye isn’t really acting on the edge of precaution.

The men on the second floor are hit with a second wave but Ward gets hold of my gun and shoots me in the shoulder before I can even get my balance back. He lifts the gun to shoot at Sharon but piece by piece we both watch the gun dismantle and become a useless pile of iron fragments on the floor.

He looks up and then he’s flying in the air. Skye is by my side the moment his body collides on the floor and the rest of the team runs inside. He doesn’t fight when Bobbie handcuffs him.

 _We_ capture Ward and Jemma removes the bullet from my shoulder successfully. Skye is raging and Coulson is concerned that this all may be Ward’ plan back in HQ.

I’m forced to stay in the lab under Dr. Simmons’ care but I’m handed a tablet to watch Ward’ interrogation. He mocks Hunter and Bobbie loses her cool. I conclude that he definitely wants to be here. Coulson agrees and we drop him off in a containment facility in Spain where Hill will keep an eye on him for the time being. Phil doesn’t want to risk it and Ward holds too much valuable information to put him out just yet.

Hydra is a parasite.

“We’re Nazi hunters.” I crack a smile at the sight of Skye walking inside the lab dressed in sweats and a top. Her go to outfit after a mission. Jemma excuses herself and leaves the lab for the first time since we got back.

“Accurate.” She closes the distance between us and I feel the air shifting. It becomes unknown and scary territory for me.

“I was going to kill him.” She’s not touching me but it doesn’t take much to know that that’s exactly what she wants to be doing. Ward is lucky to be alive. “When he shot that gun I could see him clearly, everything inside of him, every inch of his body and I knew that I could kill him without even touching him.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want you to see it.”

My hand closest to her is itching now. She knows I’ve seen worse than a man exploding a foot away from me. She didn’t want me to see what she’s capable of and I can’t explain why that makes me feel the way it does.

“Thank you.”

Our fingers brush together but while I’m thinking about it she doesn’t hesitate in taking my hand and pressing her lips softly to my knuckles. Her warm lips tingle my skin and my chest tightens. I’m tensed.

“Don’t scare me like that again.”

I nod. Giving in to this foolish promise. There is no scenario where I’ll be out of danger. We live danger. We all live on the edge of life and death. She knows this.

Sharon comes in with food and Russian dessert. Skye leaves. Coulson requires her hacking abilities for a new mission in Colombia. I don’t see her for the next eight days.

Skye comes back with a concussion and first degree burns on her back. I’m scared.

Coulson has managed to put together an excellent staff in the new Medical Facility but he still demands for Jemma’ presence to tend to Skye personally. We all fly in.

Agent Richards is down. His wife will be notified in the morning. Skye was retrieving his body when the whole place exploded behind her. They were supposed to close down a major cocaine Cartel operating in Medellin, which they did. They didn’t get the Capo.

I’m restless. It’s been about an hour since Jemma went in and twenty minutes since a staff member informed us that they have removed a bullet from Skye’ abdomen. Sharon looks at me confusedly. It puts me on edge to have so many eyes on me when I feel this scared. I can’t seem to conceal this.

Coulson can’t stop repeating that Skye was right there with him. Right there in the quinjet. I’ve never seen him this devastated before.

Hill and Rogers are here. They’ve finally gotten something out of Ward and we need to move fast. New Jersey is about to be attacked by a virus that spreads through the air.

Coulson delegates May to cover for him. I have no intentions to go anywhere until I know something.

“You alright?” Steve worriedly asks when I make no move to follow them to the meeting. There is a mission. Millions of civilians depend on us moving fast.

“There’s an Agent on surgery.”

“We need you on this. I’m sure Director Coulson will keep you informed.”

I look at him but I can’t get mad at Steve. There is a mission and I’m needed. Why can’t I move?

Jemma comes out and she doesn’t look sour. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“She’ll be asleep for at least the next forty eight hours. I want her to get all the rest she can get due to the concussion. The bullet was extracted successfully. It didn’t hit anything vital by two miraculous millimeters, although she lost a liter of her blood. Dr. Cho and I will be working on the burns on her back. I’m optimistic.”

“Can I see her?” Ignoring the looks of everyone else, I focus on Jemma and the way that she swallows her surprise before she’s nodding softly.

“Romanoff.” Steve calls me out.

“Two minutes.”

I don’t look back as I walk next to Jemma. I need to see her. I can’t think of anything else. I’m compromised and it doesn’t suit me.

She’s in a one of Dr. Cho’ regenerative chambers. She looks much younger than she is. Much vulnerable. Wasn’t our promise supposed to go both ways?

I feel like crying but I have no time to dig that deep. There is a mission and I have a job to do.

“Keep her alive, would you?”

“I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.” Jemma is quick to assure.

From the door I look back. I don’t want to leave but I do. There is a mission. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ward has provided us with an address and the whole plan. He’s lying. It’s a trap. Steve has reached the same conclusion but he is not willing to chance the lives of millions of people. Hill flies the quinjet to New Jersey.

Sharon and Bobbie will be close. Steve takes the lead -as he usually does- and it’s the first one to enter the building where the virus is supposedly being kept. We’re attacked. We defend ourselves but I hasten forward.

I make it to the last floor without being seen. Hill is yelling in my ear. Steve and Sharon sound concerned. I work faster alone. Four chubby guys guard the last door on a long corridor. They’re slow. It doesn’t take much effort to put them out. There are no cameras, no masks on the men, no radios.

It’s a trap.

Either they want to kill us or capture us. Hustle steps warn me of incomes. Hill is yelling again. Bobbie has been shot. Sharon is inside the building. Steve has gone off grid. Sharon is in charge of the entire team.

I’m hidden. A tall blond man is running to the door. I wait for him to unlock it before I press a knife to his ribs and use him to get inside. He has a mask hanging around his neck. There are five containment tanks pressed against the wall. No wires around them, no air conduction systems connected to spread any viruses.

“Wait, wait!” He’s English, thin and mostly clumsy. He trips on his own feet.

“What’s in the tanks?”

“A lethal…”

I press my knife harder. This is no plan to take an entire City. This is something smaller and I’m not in the mood to be lied to.

“A virus!” He yelps as his blood taints his expensive suit.

“Keep talking.”

“I can’t.”

He tries to grab the mask. I’m faster. The tanks’ taps pop open and a substance spreads out. He tries to outrun me to the door but I lock him inside.

I inform Hill what happened. I wait for two minutes but the substance doesn’t follow me out. I’m still wearing the mask when I open the door again. Sharon informs that the building has been taken. Steve is back and on the ninth floor. I let them know the tenth one is clear.

The man is passed out. His pulse is regular and there are no signs of chemical effects on his skin or eyes. It’s a trap.  

I run out. Steve runs behind me knowing that there is no time to explain. There is a detonation when he picks me up and we both fly out through a window. I stop breathing as we fall. I don’t open my eyes.

I land on top of him but he quickly switches us to put his shield on our heads as the remains from the building fall all around us.

He was trying to kill us. Hill insists on debrief but I can’t be any more specific than I’ve already been. I have six hours to write my own paperwork. Bobbie is conscious while I remove the bullet from her upper arm. She’ll only need a couple of painkillers.

We arrive at the Medical Facility at sunset. A team rushes towards us. Bobbie looks offended but she’s polite when declining help.

Coulson is fresh from a shower. He’s smiling and I’m relieved. Ward will get what’s coming to him. Sharon doesn’t want to leave my side. I hate hovering and she knows it. She’s also ignoring it.

I’m banned from seeing Skye until I finish the mission report in writing. Hill’ range gets to my nerves. She smirks when I hand her a ton of papers and forms an hour later. Sharon is waiting in the hallway outside of Skye’ room.

Her eyes lock me in. Her crossed arms and tall stance make me reminisce old and founded feelings. She’s strong, confident and she loved me. I loved her too, the best way I could.

“Are you okay?” Her voice is filling the silence as soon as I stop walking. I nod. I’ve seen worse. I’ve faced worse. She sighs and leans on the wall for support. I don’t look away from her troubled eyes.

“What is going on?”

“A lot.”

She bobs her head, her teeth catching her lower bit. She swallows some of her words. Her hands reach for mine. I enjoy her caresses but I no longer long for them.

“Natasha.” I shiver when she pronounces my name so intimately. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Her arms are around my waist now. I dig my fingernails on her bare arms and she pulls me closer. This is all so familiar. This is safe. This is more pain than I’ve ever felt before.

I hug her. I breathe her in. I bury myself underneath her chin. I hug her tight. And I feel her growing tense when she understands.

“I’ve missed you too.” She smiles sadly but not defeated. Never defeated.

“We had it rough, didn’t we?”

“A bit.” I shrug. She laces her fingers with mine. She won’t stop trying.

“There’s only one reason why I joined this team. One reason alone.” She leans in. She kisses me chastely and softly. She doesn’t push. I’m confused.

X

I’m locked in my living quarters on the Bus. Ward is not saying anything. I haven’t seen Skye.

Fitz pointedly lets me know that Skye’ awake and doing well. Coulson goes back to HQ. Steve is off to meet with Stark. Hill is in charge of the New Avengers. Barnes has been found.

I avoid talking to anyone. I’m back to not knowing how to feel. Or who to feel for. It’s exhausting to try to figure out how to proceed.

Bobbie is back at interrogating Ward. Mack lies a couple of punches on his pretty face while we watch. A redish mark on his wrist catches my eye.

He’s been using us. It’s been three days that he’s been here. He’s been carrying a locator all along. I cut the chip out of him. He smirks triumphant. We’re about to be attacked.

May is shouting orders. We can’t leave the Medical Facility unprotected. Skye is out of bed. She’s avoiding me. I have to remind myself to focus on the mission at hand. I second check my bites and guns. Neither one of them leaves my head while I do it.

Bobbie and Fitz are left underground with the Medical Staff and the patients. Ward is locked two floors underneath them. Wanda Maximoff and Sam Wilson arrive at sundown. I’m reminded that Hill has eyes everywhere.

May splits us in groups of four. Skye, Hunter and Lorenzo join me. We’re the only ones on the west corner of the Facility. Skye doesn’t attempt to talk to me. Hydra arrives twelve hours after I broke the chip. We’re outnumbered by far.

Two quinjets land fifty feet from us. Dozens of soldiers emerge from them. Skye speaks fast through her mouthpiece. We receive similar news from the rest of the teams.

Skye is the first one to walk out. The Hydra soldiers bite. I surround the unraveled fight and head for the quinjets. The first guy I find trembles when he sees me. I’m not proud of the name I’ve made for myself. But it comes in handy sometimes.

They’re slow. I take four down before I find the pilot. She’s much faster. Stronger. A real soldier. Her stance and movements remind me of Hill. She pulls out a knife and barely catches my shoulder. I’m pissed. I break her nose with the gun she points at my face. I’m on her shoulders and she’s sleep in no time.

I find two tablets and a hard drive. They bring bombs. I let everyone know. The next quinjet is empty. I activate the bombs. I feel the heat of the explosions as I walk back to my team. Skye is finishing off with the last soldier standing when she sees me.

This time her eyes don’t avoid me. She looks at the flames behind my back with anger. I let her inspect me silently. Lorenzo has been stabbed. We take him inside and Hunter presses on the wound with his bare hands until we find something of use. He stays locked in a broom closet.

They’re everywhere. We’re not giving up Ward. We fight.

I hear explosions, three in a row. A buff guy lands a punch on me. It makes me woozy. I take out a bite but as I throw it I see him flying across the hallway and impacting the wall with a hard thud.

I look back. Skye doesn’t show me anything. We’re surrounded. Hunter yelps in pain. I concentrate. Thirteen is not a large number. I run. I take two down with my legs. Two bites hit their marks and two more fall to their knees where I can easily kick them to sleep. Another shouts when I kick him in the groin. I use his weapon to shoot four more. Hunter has broken free and he buries a guy’ head in the wall. Skye takes care of the three remaining.

She stares at me unimpressed. She’s angry. She’s deeply hurt. The sudden need to apologize swallows me whole. I catch myself before I blurt out in front of Hunter.

“Bloody asshole. He broke my finger.” Hunter grunts. I pat him on the back.

“You put a hole in the wall with his head.” He smirks proudly. I smile. Another bomb explodes much closer this time.

They’re looking for an entrance underground. I’m running there before May gives the order. Wanda and her team have cleared the south corner of the Facility. Sam is now with her. There is no one left out. The remaining Hydra Agents are inside and looking for Ward.

Sharon and Mack intercept us on our way down. I run faster. A small group is ready to attack us while covering for two others that are trying to break the code to the elevator. Skye unarms them all before knocking them out as well.

May is bringing every Hydra worm she can with her. They’re roughly twenty guys left standing. Wanda and Skye don’t even break a sweat getting rid of all of them at once. The Medical Facility has to be relocated.

We spent the next thirty four hours packing and loading quinjet after quinjet. I manage to avoid speaking entirely. We’re back on the Bus. Coulson wants us on HQ for the next couple of days.

I miss my Pigeon.

Jemma knocks on my door after I’ve showered. She’s making sure I eat. Her quiet understanding and kind smile make me miss Clint even more.

I can’t sleep. It’ll be hours before we land. I need a drink.

I see them talking in harsh whispers. I make myself known before I end up listening to something I can’t handle. Sharon looks back and forces herself to relax. Skye is having trouble looking away from Sharon’ profile. I’m frozen with my hand on the door of the fridge. I'm not used to this. 

“Anyway, it’s late. We should all get some rest.” Sharon proposes with fake calmness. She's the first one to take her advice. 

Skye stares at me. Her mouth opens and closes with unshared words. She’s looking for something in the air. My chest tightens.

“I was coming to see you.” I frown. I’m confused. I’m unsure. I need answers. I don't enjoy explaining myself. Not over something like this.

“I hear you made it as far as the hallway.” Her lips purse. She is angry. She is jealous. I don’t owe her an explanation. What I do or stop doing is my business alone. She’s accusing me. Sharon told her what happened.

“I’m glad you’re doing okay.” She’s as good as new to be fair. Dr. Cho is amazing at her job.

I’m holding a glass of milk that I won’t drink. I’m facing the door of the refrigerator. She takes the glass off of my hands. I can feel every inch of my body when her fingers graze mine. I turn around, eyes closed. She grips my waist. I pull her closer by the nape of her neck. We breathe the same air. 

“This is so damn hard.” She curses.

“What is?”

“Let me in.” I stare openly at her plead. What is she asking of me? “Let me in.” Her nails dig softly on my skin.

I take her with me. Her lips are unfamiliar. She’s eager. An excellent kisser. I relent all control and she takes the lead with a hopeful but cautious little smile. She doesn’t rush it. She kisses me softly and only lets her tongue out to play with mine when I moan my growing desperation.

She’s considerate. Only undressing me after making sure it’s what I want. My breathing is erratic. I’m a mess under her marveled eyes and trembling fingers. There is more than want in the way she looks at me.

She takes her time. Kissing every inch of available skin. Her touch feels so different. So new. So incredible. I’m punched in the gut with a million different emotions when her lips wrap around my left nipple. I’m feeling so much I might cry.

She takes off her clothes in a haste. I don’t cry. I want to give her the only thing I can give her completely. She smiles shyly as she settles her weight on top of me. I gasp when our chests touch. It doesn’t feel like enough. I want her closer.

She places her fingers on the valley of my breasts. Our eyes are locked in a dead grip. She takes those fingers lower. I’m trembling hard when her middle finger slips in wet heat. I close my eyes as she explores. She wins.

She doesn’t keep her hand there. She wraps my leg around her hips and her thigh presses onto me deliciously. I feel her wet and warm on my thigh in return.

She shows me how young and strong she actually is. My hands are held above my head as she experiments with her movements before she settles for one that I feel will break me.

I keep my eyes shut tight. Her lips are working on a hickey on my neck. She realizes I’m made of marvel. She goes harder. I moan louder. She bites my shoulder. It still doesn’t feel like enough. Not the sex. The sex is resulting to be fantastic. She’s not close enough. I envy our skins.

I don’t see it coming. My orgasm rips through me like an unexpected shot. Hard. Brutal. It tears me from within. She’s not stopping. My hands are free. I scratch her back when a second one begins to build slowly on my belly. My back is arched. She embraces me as we both come.

She laughs. Heartwarmingly and incredibly adorable. I want to cry. I’ve given her everything. She’ll realize this soon enough.

She kisses me. Softly and intimately. She doesn’t feel unfamiliar anymore. She pulls the covers up. I hide my face on her neck and kisses my forehead. She feels safe.


End file.
